I just read an article on the AARP website on "How to Repair a Broken Heart". It says you shouldn't pretend to be "ok", you should learn something new or even "write it down". That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to try to journal how I feel, if not every day, at least once a week. The article recommends "You might even consider writing letters to the person you lost to help you clarify your emotions. At a later date, you'll be able to look back on what you've written and gain new insights into yourself by observing how you coped at this poignant time."
A little background. I have four children that I love with all of my heart. I made a lot of mistakes early in my life and didn't realize at that time how that would affect my children. I was physically and mentally abused by my ex-husband. I'm not going to sit here and blame it all on him. I'm sure that while no one is to blame in these kinds of situations, that I wasn't a perfect wife. I know enough about myself in hindsight, to know that I wasn't a perfect parent either.
Now, having said that, I love my children now more than ever. Is it enough? Do they know it? I would hope they do. I try to tell them how much they mean to me. I try to show them, but sometimes, you just never know if its enough.
Well, I have to take my sister to the airport soon so I really should end today's post. I want to sit and write more when I have time. I want to write more when I can be more focused. Hopefully tomorrow.
This child does know. I love you mom.
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